I was in a rush. Frantically, I was combing through my closet just trying to find something that I could look decent in. No, no, and no…the options were really slim pickings at this point on presentability in my mind. Then, I bump into him. Without thinking I blurt out, “Gideon, why are you always in my way?” My firstborn’s reply, ever so innocent: “Because I love you.” I immediately aborted the mission to find an outfit in my tiny walk in closet, and I hugged him. He wanted to be with his Mama because he loved her, and honestly, I could understand on so many levels.
Mama’s Shadow
When I was a little girl, I was my Mama’s shadow. Everywhere she went, I went. Mama went to the laundry room to take clothes from the washer to the dryer, guess who went with her? Yes, yours truly! When the family gathered around the living room reading books, I perched on the arm of my Mama’s recliner directly beside her. When I went to middle school and grew over 5 feet tall, the recliner still held us both up. (Shout out to Lazy Boy Furniture for a long lasting product!) There was just something comforting about Mama.
There is only so much comfort that Mama can bring though. As the years went on, and I begin to grow into adulthood through my teenage years, I realized Mama couldn’t fix everything. I could talk with her, we could pray, but ultimately she couldn’t take the US History AP Exam with me. She sat with me when I cried upon finding out I didn’t receive college credit from the score I was given. No, Mama’s ability to make everything better only measured so far. It became more and more apparent as I married, moved out, and began truly navigating life on my own.
Letting Go
This spreading of wings is natural though, or so they tell me it is. When we brought Gideon, our oldest child, home I remember crying on the couch because I realized he wouldn’t stay with us forever. He would have another love in his life. Just like his parents, He would have the desire to leave home for his love. Granted, this is many years away yet being Gideon is still a toddler, but it’s never far from my mind that he is independently growing, changing, and exploring every single day.
There are things that are mine and Gideon’s alone. We love to sing silly songs and rhyme them. We love dessert more than food which is to our detriment. We share similar physical and personality traits. We share a love for learning and asking questions. Right now, we have our talks at night that range from the day’s events to the great unanswered questions of life. In this moment, in the here and now, I get the privilege to love Gideon fully. Years remain numbered before Gideon becomes a man. I already see how he has started to desire more and more time with my husband doing what men do. Although this is bittersweet, I gently nudge him in this direction. Gideon, it is only because I love you.